The Daily Special

“Sit down and do some work now”

“You damn commie!”

“Why’d you call me a communist?”

“What’s a communist?”

On a regular basis, I do ISP (individual service plan) meetings.  Mostly they are just same old thing, but every once in awhile the guys come up with something humorous.  Awhile back I was doing this one and after I had finished my opening spiel, the guy says, and directs it to us who are leading the meeting “the are three things i would like to talk about today.  One, Hitler.  Two, coffee and Lehigh Valley Dairy skim milk, and third, women issues.  I like big lips and big legs”

One of my guys likes to sing while he works.  Mostly he sings Christmas carols but every once in awhile he likes to change it up.

Today he started singing

“Shake, shake, shake! shake! shake! Shake your boobie!”

Since I’m responsible for my guys from the moment they walk in the building to the time they leave, it’s imperative that they tell me where they’re going; even the bathroom.  One of my guys is notorious for not telling me, the other day I chased him out into the hall.

I started to tell him how important it is that I know where he is and all that.  He just rolls his eyes, waits for me to pause and says “Excuse me Tracy?  Is this going to take long?  I have to poop.”

One of the new guys asked me “What do they do with these parts when we are done with them?”

I gave him the spiel; that they are parts for electrical stuff and they are sold to places like Home Depot and Lowes. 

He then asked me “What’s the street value of one of these?”

“Oh not much,” I replied, “Since there are sold in packs of 25 for a few bucks”

“What would happen if someone were to sell these, not that I’m thinking of taking any?”

“Well when they got caught they’d be fired”

“I’m just asking cuz my mom works at Wal-Mart and they are always looking for things to sell, and these might be nice.”

So I was sitting there doing MYOB (minding my [your] own business), when one of the guys comes over and screames at me, “The world is going to be blown up!!  There’ll be no more cafeteria…(he went on to describe every facet of tthe building and how it would be destroyed).”

To which I replied, “What am I going to do without workshop?  I need a job.  I’m in big trouble”

He looked at me confused and said “Didn’t you hear me woman?  The world is going to be destroyed!!  You are going to die and all you care about is this job?  You need to get off this planet!!”

I was sick awhile back and all the guys were genuinely concerned about me.

“Tracy, how’s your cold?”

“Better thanks for asking”

“Good, it was just a chest cold then?  *talking to himself* YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT WOMEN’S CHESTS EVER, ESSPECIALLY NOT TO THEM!!”

Every once in a while, we have extra staff there that has been injured, they do the same work the guys do while they are recupping.  We were at lunch the other day when one of these guys comes in to warm up his lunch.  He was a tall big guy, kind of intimidating looking.  Well I started to chat with him, where does he work, those kind of things.

One of my guys who was sitting across from me; who by the way would never hurt a fly; shakes his fist at the guy and looks him right in the eye and asks, “Tracy, is this guy bothering you?”

To which I replied no that we were just visiting, blah blah blah. 

He goes “Do you think I can be his friend too?  Yippee, he’s my friend!!!”

One of my guys (well most of them) but this is only about the one, speaks very unclearly and is hard to understand.  The one day he was showing me pictures of him in a pool, a “poo”.  One of the other guys comes over

 ”Whatchya talking about?”

me: “Oh, he was going to the poo”

“Oh!  Sounds like fun!”

me: “Do you even know what poo is?”

“I think it’s another name for your boobies!”

I walk in the door in the morning and first thing, one of the guys gets right in my face and yells “WHY ARE YOU ON MY PLANET?!?”